To the Last Year and Those Ahead
I’ve never been a ‘new year, new me’ girl (why wait til tomorrow what I can ruin today?) In that vein, I rarely make New Year’s resolutions or schemes for the New Year. Occasionally I’ll make a note to check that to see if I’m on the road in the direction of my goals and to make sure that my goals are still what I want, but I don’t have a timer on for anything. I appreciate hardness in a lot of my life (obviously) (…that was a sex joke) but find that true strength lies in softness and kindness for myself and others.
My therapist (and many various self-help books and gurus of questionable repute) regularly reminds me about the importance of all of acknowledging your achievements on a regular basis. As some of my lovers in this space who know me (too) well and are (lovingly) vocal with their sass: I can be hard on myself and acknowledging success and achievements are important. This last year has been a test in gratitude and therefore this year I am looking back over my year and acknowledging things I want to do that I’ve done.
2021:
Remembered the joys of being childishly silly and extremely playful… honestly downright mischievous
Read 70 something books and so much poetry — and very little in current COVID news (I stand by this decision)
Had honest conversations with myself about how failing and being god awful at things gives me so much to look forward to as I age
Got serious about giving up food rules and restrictions
Moved transatlantic with two suitcases without a known entity in the city to a coast I’d never set foot on. Unrelated, came to terms with the notion that I may be slightly adventurous
Cried in every museum I went to and felt all of my feelings
Went to two parties and did NOT spontaneously combust and made a friend
Took myself solo camping for the first time
Did all that career + retirement stuff that is Very Serious and Important
Spent three straight hours kissing lovers and happily wanted more
Made three absolutely disgusting things (mushroom soup, gravy, the third is not worth mentioning but dough was involved) and threw them away without a moments notice
Found bone deep joy in all the ways I am wrong about the world and people and all the right ways I’ve dreamed of my place in it
Lent hard into failure and chasing change in a way that I’ve always been terrified of before. Letting things suck and being thankful that I did it (and that I can tell that it sucks)
This past year, I’ve really doubled down on my life’s work: to do less, rest more, be kinder, slower and softer. I am thankful I have the words to express that and the heart that allows me to access the joy of reveling in it. As I head into this new year, that remains my life’s work and what I find myself most proud of. Being open-minded and curious enough to continue exploring all the ‘what if I am wrong’s’ and simple enough to not hamper my destination with direction. To the last year and very thankfully, the privilege of those ahead - Happy New Year.
